Feb 15, 2023

Feb 15, 2023

     Today was an appointment day. Which means long talks in the car to and from the appointment. Well, more like to and halfway from, lol. The old man always falls asleep about halfway to 2/3rds point. It's cute, though, because he tries so hard not to. But it gives us time to talk about a lot of subjects. Well sometimes. Sometimes we are stuck on one. Just depends on the day and the subject. 

     Today, we were talking about boundaries and how I often cross them on the way to the appointment. Yes, even in a marriage, you can cross boundaries. Even in a Dom/sub relationship, you can. You can anytime. So never fool yourself by thinking you cant. Anyways, One boundary I cross with him is bringing people back into the fold that has left on very bad notes. He understands this is a trait of mine from way back, but that doesn't make it a good trait. 

     So about these boundaries, occasionally I bring old people back, and sometimes others bring people back. Either way, I allow it. Then I convince him that "they have changed." At first, he will always be hesitant as he will remember what they had done. Then instead of just agreeing with him and talking to him about it, I get pushy and try to change his mind. I do "win" and always end up "losing" because they never changed. Some are worse than others. But then he is more angry bcs instead of talking to him about the situation, I push the situation, and I don't work with him and respect him. That's when his anger gets bad. It stores up till the pent-up anger blows, then he feels bad bcs he will yell, and he hates to yell at me. But honestly, I deserve it. I should not have crossed the boundary. 

     Yes, I bring people back around. But I do not need to bring them back in, in the same capacity as they were in. Which would involve him. They should only be there as an acquaintance, so it would be harder to get hurt by them. And watch the actions a lot longer than 1 week or 1 day. Also, I should not be sitting there convincing him they have changed to make him change his mind when he feels they have not. He should be allowed his thoughts and feelings, just as I have mine. He knows who I am, but in that same aspect, I need to respect him. This is NOT a one-way street. So allowing people back like Thelma, Joyce, and the ex-roommate would not have the repercussions they have had to date.  

     BTW, I get to go have couples counseling with his counselor. I have so much to learn ....