Aug 20, 2023

     Aug 20, 2023

When I write about the current people consider my nightmares, they are the ones from the past 2 years. there have been many in the past. But these are what have changed me and how I do and see things now. I use to just “deal” with it. I knew no better. BTW I talk about this next person bcs of the massive effect she had on me. This wasn't virtually, this was my reality. 

     But there is one. when you have one that threatens your life, ruins your credit, and tell blame you for it all. Tell you “Well I gave you my money.” I talk about this one so much because she made the biggest impact on the changes I made in my life. And how I do not trust people the way I use to. That is true, she did give me her check, all the while having me buy weed for her, thousands of dollars (yes I have the transactions), along with what she was supposed to be paying monthly in rent, phone, etc, let's not forget, I would get her food stamps too, and deduct that off what she owed BUT never once charged her for any food bought in the house. So it was like she was giving me her check and food stamps and she was eating free. Then you have personal needs that need to be paid for. Along with her massive wants. All that I have receipts to. Was worse at the apartment. The list of wants/ needs. And all the bills are in my name. So she can say over and over “I gave her my check”, I gave her virtual currency, I gave her, etc… I have records of every linden and cent given to me. Virtual currencies are broken down into RL currencies. I never once scammed her, conned her, or anything. She even had the forms so she could keep up with it all. She ever had a question she could ask. I would let her know monthly how high her bill was. And get told “Don’t worry I will pay you all back” lol 

     Got me to even take out a loan to get her friend down her and all that. I know I am an idiot. I use to call her my kitten. Once I believed she was sad, and frail, and people misunderstood her. I was like so many others that thought “She has mental illnesses, she just needs a little help.” Well, let me tell you, she isn’t a housecat. She is more like a Leopard. She hunts her prey. She knows who is vulnerable. Who will buy into her ideas, her past alliements, and everything else to try and make it “better” for her. Sad too, she would talk about how my hubby would “trigger” her. Why did she even move in with us? Oh, it was to use us. She saw things were going decently. I would convince him she just needed to get help but she would get better. I think she always thought he wanted her. When he didn't. With how many times she tried to destroy us in the past he never understood why I kept allowing her back. She thinks that she is all that and a bag of chips. Lol. She might have had the boobs and butt I liked (keep in mind i said I like not hubby) but she sure as hell didn't have the personality. 

     I was looking up something the other day and instead discovered that I probably was a victim of Narcissistic Victim syndrome. Are you asking me do I think she is a Narcissist, Oh yeah. She claims to have bpd and other things, but personally, I think she needs to be checked for narcissistic behavioral traits as well. It is a mental illness as well. She can start blaming that one next. She already blames how she is on all her mental illness, along with actions that happened to her when she was younger. For those I get why you have some attitude, but there are so many other people that have gone thru it too and don't act like her. If fact I personally know people who have gone thru what she says she has gone through, and they don't do what she does. When does someone actually take accountability for their own actions? I guess it got her this far. Blaming everyone else. So many times she had me believing that it was my fault. One minute she was wanting me to buy all this weed for the “pain” then she said I put her in debt. She went into those places with my card. She always knew how much she was spending. We would talk about it monthly how much she needed and how much she needed to make to make it happen. Lol. But not in her head bcs she can do no wrong. 

     What I don't understand is, she wasn't my lover. My husband never wanted her part of our relationship. Truly, I did not either. I wasn't in love with her. But I bought into everything she sold. That’s why I called her “kitten”. I saw her as a lost kitten needing help. The big bad bullies always misunderstand her. And now in her book, I'm one of them big bad bullies. Lol. Even though I am in debt, have my PTSD out the roof bcs of her threats of murder, and more. But I am the bad bully because I did not protect her. I did not spend more money on her. She wanted my life but was triggered by my husband. Lol. Umm, its all a package deal. Oh, I forgot, she wanted out of my house and into an apartment that she STILL had us paying for. Like really she isn’t innocent in any of this. It was her way or the highway. She finds victims and runs them to the ground. Till they learn. Then the virtual pages call her out over and over about the fact she does the same thing repeatedly. Using the “I was triggered”. When will that line get old? We are ALL triggered by something. That doesn’t mean we become monsters and create havoc because we can.

     Will I ever be able to move on from what she did? I'm sure I will but, right now I can’t. The fact is she threatened us. She contacted APS on us. And they were called a second time, pretty sure it was her or someone she knows. She used my identity to steal from a rental place and lied to the cops saying “I gave them permission”. She even told them I was in the hospital when they showed up to deliver it. Funny too bcs if they looked at the copy of my ID they would have seen it was out of date. She tried to say I stole a laptop. The laptop was sent in her name but was bought with someone else credit, which I paid for the laptop. ALL 18 payments. She never paid anything. Also, she signed a legal contract with me stating the laptop was a rental. So I took it back, from the apartment that has MY name on it, that I have proof I paid for that month, along with all the bills. When they moved from the apartment they stole a lot of my property because I was not allowed back at that apartment after Halloween bcs of the threats. So she stole a lot of my property on top of it, like a ladder, walker, ice maker. And more. Oh, and the rest of the items on the rental form. But I am a bad person, Right?

     Narcissistic all the way. Passive aggressive, gaslighting people, scapegoating, all manipulations I never saw. Almost 50, and I let a 30-something-year-old get the better of me. And she will haunt me. I know she loves the fact she haunts me. She may say she doesn’t and say all kinds of things about what I do. But the fact she got one over on me for over a year. And she ruined the credit that I worked so hard on. You know she loves it. I know another one she used, and I got to finally talk to them. Found out the truth about that situation. I really should have contacted that person way before. But I did not. There will be more pages on her. Like how we met, and how she nearly destroyed my marriage in the beginning. So she can talk all she wants about what I did to her family home or her. But she was never there. She is full of shit. And if you have pictures, where are they? Oh is that like the pics I have of her room that she left in a trash hell before she went on vacation and I got forced to clean it all up? Which pissed her off bcs I did not do it while she was there. She never cleaned up after herself. She isn’t as disabled as she tries to make people think. Her mental problem is laziness. Oh, btw not saying I am the best at cleaning up. I have my moods, But when the ASPCA people show up unannounced and tell us how good litter boxes look and how healthy cats look, and how they can’t smell “feces”, yeah. But this was never supposed to be a battle of she said/ she said …

I remember the stuff she said before she was blocked and banned, things I would get told way back that have popped into my head. 

     This is why I hate my mind sometimes lol

    Till next time….